Help with editing personal statement?

Answers:1   |   LastUpdateAt:2012-10-20 09:00:03  

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Cerina
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Hi all ! I am applying for graduate school next year and I have to make a personal statement . English is not my mother tongue , so I was wondering if anyone can see if I made ​​any mistake. Thanks in advance ! MedlinePlus MedlinePlus Here it is: MedlinePlus In the field of psychology , I developed a special interest in the field of neuropsychology . As a college student , I had the opportunity to study some subjects in neuropsychology or closely related to neuropsychology , which have been the most enjoyable and enriching . In fact , I have pursued to attend as many relevant topics as possible . University spent X Y University for my honors to attend an elective course in behavioral neuroscience . It seemed logical to pursue a career in neuropsychology . MedlinePlus So , here I am applying for University and Master of Psychology ( Clinical Neuropsychology ) Program . This program brings me closer to my goal . I have the intention of becoming a clinical neuropsychologist , simply because this career fits me like a glove . I have a strong interest in research , the brain and its functions . Some of my personal attributes include good interpersonal skills , patience , empathy for others , flexibility, responsibility and kindness . I am also very focused on the goals . I think my personal qualities in combination with the graduate program to prepare me for the next step , and help me achieve my ultimate goal , ie , be a competent neuropsychologist . MedlinePlus As for the race , I am working in the area of research , as well as a doctor . My choices of professional areas including rehabilitation and neuropsychological disorders , such as epilepsy . I hope you will give me the opportunity to continue my studies . MedlinePlus
Answer1GeeAnswered at 2012-10-20 08:59:30
I have a special interest in the field of neuropsychology . As a college student , I had the opportunity to study some subjects of neuropsychology , or closely related topics neuropsychology , which have been most enjoyable and enriching . In fact , I have pursued to attend as many relevant topics as possible . University spent X Y University for my honors to attend an elective course in behavioral neuroscience . It seemed logical to pursue a career in neuropsychology . MedlinePlus So , here I am applying for University and Master of Psychology ( Clinical Neuropsychology ) Program . This program brings me closer to my goal of being a clinical neuropsychologist . I have a great interest in the investigation of the brain and its functions . I have good interpersonal skills , patience and empathy for others . I am very flexible , helpful and have a strong sense of responsibility . I am also very focused on the goals . I think my personal qualities in combination with this graduate program prepared me to move towards a successful career. MedlinePlus I see myself working in research , as well as a doctor . My choices of professional areas including rehabilitation and neuropsychological disorders . I hope you will give me the opportunity to continue my studies . MedlinePlus MedlinePlus There are many places where you had many additional words as " in the field " and " in the area " . Removing these status makes much quicker flow and does not remain as before. MedlinePlus It's good to get straight to the point when writing something . Did not have to say " , such as epilepsy ." I think the person reading your statement is known about their ambitions .
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