Can someone please edit my essay?

Answers:2   |   LastUpdateAt:2012-10-24 16:39:02  

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shadiqwah
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I am applying to enroll in the Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy program at the Eisner Institute for Professional Studies. I graduated from California State University Dominguez Hills with a BA in Psychology. As a college student, I took psychology courses in abnormal psychology, behavior modification and Family. I was always interested in the complexities of psychology and the human mind. I wanted to pursue a career in which I could work with people to help them solve their problems. I am the target of continuing my education through graduate studies in psychology who prepare more to help my future clients to the fullest. MedlinePlus My professional training is in working in the mental health field for five years with clients in a variety of environments. I worked in a residential treatment center with teens with behavioral and emotional problems, abused and neglected children who are victims of domestic violence, and external fixation with families in crisis. Clinical experience has been both in the capacity as a case manager and counselor. I am currently working with adolescents with behavioral and emotional problems in a residential treatment center. My role as a counselor is to provide supervision, advice and support to adolescents. I can help teens make positive decisions regarding daily life situations, personal hygiene, and conflict resolution. MedlinePlus I became interested in working in therapy because I experienced a family member in need of therapy for depression. My brother had been battling depression for a long time. My brother decided to seek professional help for their depression. Depression is genetic in our family, so our family also received therapy. Through years of counseling and therapy, my brother and his family benefited from therapy because we were able to heal at the same time. I understand the problems that can result from depression firsthand. I know that through therapy, people can make changes for life looking at their lives and set goals. I believe that each client has the ability to make positive decisions and choices towards a more fulfilling life. I'd like to be there for my future clients to help drive (guide) to a path of personal growth and recovery or healing, self-improvement. I am fully committed and determined to advocate for clients facing issues such as family conflict, depression and substance abuse. I believe that each client, taking into account the proper guidance, can find its way to personal success. I am eager and dedicated to learn the techniques and methods that are used to help families, children and people resolve their problems. For this reason, I would be a good candidate for marriage and family therapy program. I realize that graduate school can be quite difficult, but I am determined to be a good student to learn about psychology that will prepare me for a career in marriage and family therapy.
Answer1 가산명사 Answered at 2012-10-21 04:24:41
I am applying for the Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy program at the Eisner Institute for Professional Studies. I graduated from California State University Dominguez Hills with a BA in Psychology. As a college student, I took psychology courses in abnormal psychology, behavior modification and family psychology. I've always had a great interest in psychology and complexity of the human mind. I have hopes of pursuing a career that allows me to work with people and give them the guidance they need to solve problems, build confidence and repair relationships. I think a graduate program will allow me to develop a more robust set of skills with which to better serve my future clients. MedlinePlus My training consists of extensive work in the field of mental health. During the last five years, I have worked with clients in a variety of environments. I have spent time working in a residential treatment center serving adolescents with emotional and behavioral problems, abused and neglected children who are victims of domestic violence, and ambulatory with families in crisis. My clinical experience includes counseling and case management. My current position as director of the aforementioned treatment plant is to provide residential supervision, guidance and support to adolescents. I help them make positive decisions regarding daily life situations, personal hygiene, and conflict resolution. MedlinePlus I developed an interest in working in therapy because the therapy has had effect on my brother, who has suffered from depression for some time. My brother decided to seek professional help, and depression was genetic in our family, all sought advice at his side. Through years of counseling to the entire family benefited both therapy and a chance to heal together, which has brought us closer in many ways. I have first hand experience with depression, which increases my ability to empathize with customers and understand the challenges they face. I think everyone has the ability to make positive decisions, set goals, and progress toward finding fulfillment and live a healthy life, both mentally and phsyically. I'd like to be there for my future clients to help bring down a path of personal growth and recovery. I am fully committed and determined to be an advocate for clients facing problems such as family conflict, depression and substance abuse. I believe that each client, taking into account the proper guidance, can find its way to personal success. I am eager to learn the techniques that are used to help families, children and people resolve their problems. MedlinePlus For these reasons, I am a good candidate for marriage and family therapy program. I realize that graduate school can be quite difficult, but I am willing to devote myself completely to be successful in my studies, and then my career.
Answer2makylaAnswered at 2012-10-24 16:37:41
Regarding the content goes, I think this sounds good. The only suggestions I have are grammatical things you might want to consider. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus In its first paragraph ends with the sentence: "I wanted to pursue a career in which I could work with people to help them resolve [their] problems. I [] aim to continue my education through graduate studies Psychology [,] to prepare more to help my clients in the future [dot] fuller ". MedlinePlus MedlinePlus In the first of these statements, I would use the word "their" instead of "your". "People" is plural, so you should probably use the plural "their" instead of the singular "he or she". Then he said: "I'm biased," which is just a mistake, no problem. And there should be a comma after "psychology". I think the last sentence would sound more complete with the word "available" at the end, but that's just personal preference. The way you have is not bad, of course, but I just thought I'd put it out there to see what you think. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus In the second paragraph, I think it should be "adolescents" instead of "teenagers" since people are talking about instead of objects ".
"I worked in a residential treatment center with teenagers [who] have emotional behavior [or?], [Children as victims of domestic violence are] abused [or] neglected, and [he worked on a ] ambulatory with families in crisis. "Here I added some suggestions to clarify what you are saying a bit. I changed a bit "and" to "or is", but since I do not know the situation, I can only guess that the two scenarios that pairs are not always linked together, but of course you know that better than I would. My changes are only suggestions anyway, take what they want. It uses the word "teenager" four times in six sentences in your second paragraph - you might want to consider changing one or two of them to "the person" or
"child". MedlinePlus I became interested in working in therapy [when?] Experienced a family member [who] need therapy for depression. My brother had been battling depression for a long time [and] took the decision to seek professional help for your [disease]. Depression is genetic in our family, so [the rest of] our family [also received therapy]. Through years of counseling and therapy, my brother and other relatives [] benefited [] because we were able to heal at the same time. I understand the problems [first hand] that may be the result of depression. I know that through therapy, people can make life [-] changes long considered their lives and set goals. I believe that every customer has the ability to make positive decisions [-] [] decisions necessary to live [] a fuller life. I'd like to be there for my future clients to help lead (- Guide>) to a path of personal growth [,] recovery [,] healing, [and] self-improvement. I am fully committed and determined to advocate for clients facing issues such as family conflict, depression and substance abuse. I believe that each client, taking into account the proper guidance, you can find [her (this time the word "customer" is singular)] path to personal success. I am eager and dedicated to learn the techniques and methods that are used to help families, children and people resolve their problems. For this reason, I would be a good candidate for marriage and family therapy program. I realize that graduate school can be quite difficult, but I am determined to be a good student to learn about psychology, [that] I prepare for a career in marriage and family therapy. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I really like your conclusion, and I think this is a very good piece. As I said, the changes I have made are only suggestions, so do with them what you will. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus Good Luck!
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